Please Don't Hurt Me

Abusive relationships are the plague of mankind; they have many appearances, many names, but they are all one and the same. Abuse is violence from one human to another, most commonly within the walls of family homes and between lovers. Some forms are so subtle, they cannot be witnessed unless scrutinized by a trained eye; others are so blatant it's heartwrenching. Of course, there are multitudes of in-between cases. None are right or justified; all leave lasting scars, even if they cannot always be seen.


One example of an abusive relationship is when one partner continually belittles the other partner with negative or hurtful comments. Statements such as "You're fat," "You're ugly," "You're stupid," are small examples of what is otherwise known as verbal abuse. Larger, more more obvious, examples of verbal abuse could be remarks like, "You'll never become an actress because you're so fat," or "You're not loved by anyone but me, because no one else wants to love you. Who would?" Victims of verbally abusive relationships usually never realize that the relationship is abusive - instead, they create excuses for their significant others, such as, "That's just how they show their love," or "They're just teasing." to justify the cruel words bestowed upon them. This blind vindication does not actually make the harsh comments okay - in actuality, it further proves how abusive the relationship is. The harsh comments used upon the victims daily become ingrained within their subconscious, otherwise lowering and already-base self-esteem. One common theme of any type of abuse is the usage of self-esteem destroyers, and that can be clearly identified in the case of verbal abuse. This decimation of self-esteem has severely long-lasting effects, and can follow a victim throughout their lives. Because of relationships such as these, people of any gender, race, or age may feel inhibited because of what was said to them and because they believed it.


Another type of abuse is known as physical abuse. Physical abuse is usually one of the more obvious forms of violence towards others, because evidence such as cuts, bruises, or broken bones are left behind. Victims of physical abuse are usually too scared to go to the police, because they fear the 'consequences,' or getting hurt again. Aggressors that use physical violence against their significant others usually threaten the victims' family or welfare if they report the violence. Victims are made to feel worthless and begin to think of themselves as pathetic and unworthy; they are convinced to feel that the acts of violence committed upon them were provoked by some minute mistake of theirs. No one can face their loved ones when they are being mistreated by another loved one   - they simply cannot face the fact that they are being physically abused because it is shameful. They do not want their friends or family knowing of the abuse because they do not want the abuser to hurt them or their loved ones, and also because they already feel weak, and the thought of needing someone else's help makes them feel even weaker. Outside help simply is not desirable in the eyes of a physically abused person. The aggressors usually vindicate themselves with, "You made me do this." But violence is never justifiable. Physical violence can leave damages that last a lifetime; broken bones may not always heal correctly because the victim does not want to go to the hospital and otherwise report the violence to the authorities, thus exposing the abuser for their crimes, and the shameful relationship as a whole; teeth may be punched out; victims may be easily intimidated no matter what the environment; victims develop a sense of mistrust in others and their surroundings.


Emotional abuse is one of the hardest forms of violence to identify. This abuse can be identified as excessive guilt-tripping, manipulation, and controlling behaviors. Victims of emotional abuse are convinced to feel that everything is their fault and that, no matter what they do, they cannot atone for their 'wrongdoings.' Aggressors that use guilt-tripping use this technique to get something they want, no matter how difficult it is for the victim to obtain. Manipulation is a type of guilt-tripping, but it is much more subtle and is used in a variety of different ways and cases. Manipulators use their 'skill' against innocents to get what they want, get themselves out of trouble, or to create trouble for the victims. Those who control their significant others have to constantly know where they are and what they are doing. Controllers usually want control over all income and the bills, along with what the victims are allowed to do, and when. If controllers are challenged, they can get violent. Victims usually subconsciously vindicate emotional abusers with excuses such as, "They just care for me," "They love me and they miss me, so they want to know how to reach me," and "I have it much better than most women anyways...Who am I to complain?" Despite these 'justifications,' abuse is abuse, and so it is never justifiable, or right. Victims of emotional abuse may never be able to trust others after the relationship has ended, thus critically restraining their abilities to socialize in the outside world. Some victims may also become hateful and mean towards others, even if those outsiders are simply trying to help them in a time of crisis.


Multitudes of abusive relationships are composed of more than one type of abuse. Typically, relationships that are abusive start out as either emotionally or verbally abusive, then progress to physically abusive when the abuser feels they have enough control to keep the victim 'in place.' In other words, physical abuse is combined with emotional or verbal abuse, because the abuser needs to be in complete control in order to keep the victim from seeking help outside. In most cases, the three forms of abuse coincide in one way or another. None are justifiable.


Abuse of any kind, in any relationship, is never justifiable or correct. There is no reason whatsoever to hurt or try to hurt someone one claims to love. Any form of abuse has long-lasting effects on the victims, even though those victims may show no signs of ever having been abused at all. Victims who do show signs of abuse will do anything they can do hide those signs, because they do not want outsiders trying to help them and 'get them in trouble' with the abuser. Abuse is an act that is dependent on fear; without fear, an abuser has no control over keeping the victim from seeking help from an outside source.