Riscatto - Chapter 8

Tell him how I really feel. Tell him how I really feel. How I really feel.

Immediately upon wakening, these thoughts assaulted Lovino like a swarm of angry bees. Feliciano's voice echoed through his mind, just behind the angry swarm, exciting it further.

Although he was awake now, Lovino remained on the couch, kept his eyes half-lidded. He let the maddening thoughts wash over him, tried to make a meaning of them passively.

How on earth was he supposed to tell Antonio how he really felt, when he was completely unsure of those feelings? He had no idea what he really felt for Antonio.

Tentatively, Lovino began to assess what he felt for the Spaniard.

Whenever he thought of Antonio, his heart leapt into his throat and his breathing faltered.

Whenever Antonio was around, his cheeks reddened and the rest of the world melted away.

Whenever they held hands, it was as though anything could happen, but everything would be okay, as long as Lovino's hand rested in his.

The thought of Antonio being happy with someone else nearly drove Lovino over the edge with jealousy. But he had always felt that way.

When they kissed, the rest of the world melted away and his body reacted as though it had never been touched before; his heart sped up, his breathing became uncontrollable, he shook, his palms became a little sweaty, he never wanted it to stop.

Not to mention all the body parts, er, down south, that reacted too.

But what did all of that mean?

Lovino groaned in frustration, sat up right, stretched. It was time he consulted his fratellino.

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He found Feliciano outside with Ludwig, who was smoking.

"Ve! Buon Giorno, fratello!" Feliciano greeted, standing and forcing a hug with Lovino.

"Ah, um, buon giorno," Lovino murmured, lightly hugging his brother back. He looked to Ludwig, who was still seated, and nodded in acknowledgement. "Um, fratello," Lovino began, unsure, as they back away, "how are you?"

"Hmm? I'm fine."

"Sobered up a bit?"

"Ah, yeah, mostly. I just have a headache, is all."

"Oh, good…Listen…do you think we can talk for a bit? In, uh, private?" Lovino looked to Ludwig again, this time with an apologetic look. Ludwig just shrugged, looked out to the morning sky.

"Ah, ah," Feliciano agreed, "of course, fratello!" He turned to Ludwig, then, kissed him goodbye, and turned back to Lovino. "Are we gonna take a walk?"

"Ah…si." Feliciano nodded and began to move off, Lovino following.

They walked like that in an awkward silence, Lovino completely unsure of how to start the conversation or where it would lead. He never had such a problem speaking with his fratellino before, about anything.

But, then again, he had never needed to ask Feliciano's advice on such a topic. He never had the need to.

After a long moment, Lovino forced himself to begin. "Mmh, um, Feli…Are you, uh…Or, what do you…Um, how do you…" Lovino sighed heavily, looked to the ground in frustration. Why was such a simple question so difficult?

"Fratello," Feliciano sang, gently resting either of his hands on Lovino's shoulders. Lovino shamefully looked up into his brother's eyes as he continued, "you know you can tell or ask me anything!"

Lovino looked away, completely embarrassed, and sighed. "Yeah, I know."

Feliciano let one of his hands drop and draped the other arm around Lovino's shoulders. "What's troubling you, big brother?" They slowly began to move on.

Unsure, Lovino bit his lower lip and looked away, deep in thought. "Well…you might not remember, but one the way home…last night, you…you told me to –"

"–Tell Big Brother Spain how you really feel." Feliciano finished, causing Lovino to look his brother in the eyes. "I remember."

Lovino swallowed. "Ah, yeah. Umm…I wanted to know…what is…uh, love?"

Feliciano stopped, a confused look on his face, and turned to Lovino completely, letting his arm drop. "What do you mean, fratello?"  

Blushing in embarrassment, Lovino looked away again and forced himself to continue. "I mean, uh, what does it…feel like?" He looked up to Feliciano again, though he couldn't keep his gaze looked on with his brother's.

His younger brother smiled, took his hand, and continued on. Lovino followed silently. "Ah, love!" Feliciano sang. He was quiet for a moment before continuing, "Love. Well. When you're in love…It's the best thing you've ever felt. Whenever you're with the person, it's like you're body suddenly comes alive after being asleep for a long, long time. You feel like you're experiencing things you've never experienced before. And when that person touches you…Even a little touch, like a hug or something…It's like…like…"

"…Like fireworks go off in your body?" Lovino finished tentatively.

"Ve, exactly!" Feliciano answered with a smile. "And when you do more than just simple touches, like kiss or something, it's like you're in heaven, and the rest of the world doesn't even exist anymore."

To this, Lovino had no response but a gulp.

"And sometimes you think about the other person with someone besides you…And you just get so sad it feels like your heart's been ripped out. Then, when they tell you they love you and they'd never leave you…It's like they're speaking the words that have been written on your heart, that no one but they can read and say…You just feel so whole."

Lovino gulped again, felt his hand clenching around Feliciano's. "Feliciano…I'm…scared." When he finally admitted this, it was like a weight was lifted, only for another, heavier one to replace it. They stopped walking again, and Feliciano turned to face his brother. Gulping, Lovino continued, "W-what if Antonio doesn't…doesn't…"

He couldn't finish that sentence. There was just no way.

"But he does, fratello," Feliciano whispered, cupping Lovino's cheek with his free hand. Teary-eyed, Lovino looked into Feliciano's eyes, and Feliciano continued, "Can't you see the way he looks at you? Haven't you noticed the look in his eyes he gets when you're around, or when you're with him? You make him so happy, brother…He definitely loves you."

"T-then why…why doesn't he tell me?" Lovino whispered, barely able to think of the possible reasons.

"He probably wants to hear you say it first." Feliciano reasoned. "Maybe he's as nervous and worried as you are."

Lovino looked up, frowning. "Who said I'm nervous and worried?"

Feliciano only smiled, patted his elder brother's cheek. "You're in love, fratello."

This caught Lovino off guard. "W-what? No I'm not! Definitely, definitely not!"

Feliciano laughed, and they began making their way back. "Promise me something, fratello?" Feliciano began after they were silent a moment.

"Hmm?"  

"Hurry up and tell him. I want to see you happy."

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Finally, they made it back. Heart racing, Lovino made his way to he and Antonio's room, sure the Spaniard would still be asleep.

Love, he thought as he opened the door to his room, Feliciano says I'm in love.

It just didn't sound right.

But it was possible to tell Antonio how he really felt without using that word, right? How hard could it be?

Antonio wasn't on the bed, but Lovino could hear the shower in the adjoining bathroom running. "Hey, Spanish bastard!" Lovino yelled, banging on the bathroom door. "Hurry and get out of there! I have to tell you something!"

"Ah, okay!" Antonio squeaked from within. "Just a second!"

Lovino rolled his eyes, waited at the door. As he waited, thoughts of Antonio, wet and naked, began to drift through his mind.

Then his nose was bleeding.

And, of course, Antonio chose that second to open the bathroom door.

And, of course, Antonio was wearing nothing but a towel, and he was still soaking wet.  

"Romano, your nose is bleeding!" Antonio cried, wiping the blood off Lovino's lip.

"Hey, don't do that! I'm fine! Really! I got it!"

There was a struggle, leading to the two of them on the floor, Antonio landing on top of Lovino.

After a second, Antonio raised himself a bit, running one hand through his hair.

Lovino's heart stopped. He swore it.

There was a tense moment, the two of them just staring at the other, before Lovino slowly came back to his senses. "Ah, hey, get off me! Stupid Spaniard! Get off!" He pushed Antonio off enough so that he could sit upright.

Both sitting upright in the doorway to the bathroom, Antonio asked with a smile, "So, what was it you wanted to tell me?"

Lovino's heart gushed once more in nervousness. So this was how it was going to pan out. But then again, things never went as planned.

How do I put this…? Lovino thought, studying the elder for a moment.

Thoughts he did not want to acknowledge at the moment began to drift through his mind, so he forced a tight hug with Antonio, hoping that would help clear his mind enough to say what he had planned.

Hugging wasn't a help at all, because it only brought a beautiful sense of peace and happiness. It reminded Lovino that, as long as Antonio was there for him, the whole world could melt away, and it wouldn't matter. If Antonio was there, everything would be okay.

Lovino took a deep breath, inhaling the Spaniard's earthy scent and loving every ounce of it.

"…I love you," he whispered on the exhale, without thinking.

Reality, and the gravity of his words, slammed back to him when Antonio responded, "What?"

"Ah, no, that's not what I meant at all! I didn't mean that!" Lovino gasped, backing off of Antonio and looking everywhere but at the Spaniard. "I didn't mean that at all! That's not what I wanted to say!"

"That's too bad," Antonio cut off his babbling.

"What? Huh? Why?" Lovino gushed, looking into Antonio's eyes.

"Because I love you, too." Antonio responded, his lips crashing onto Lovino's.